Back For Good

Yeah, I KNOW. I've been missing in action for over a month and a half. But it's not like anybody misses me anyway. This is like MY blog, yet sometimes I feel like I can't express just everything in my mind, in fear that someone that shouldn't be reading it comes across my posts. Or people I'd rather not share my life details and personal thoughts with.

I spent my last month in KL with my loved ones. The thought of not being able to see Mei Kee til July surely kills me. We've bonded so much when she came back to KL for good (yay!). Forever making excuses to ditch her work and leave home to come find me for lunch and hang out. Gotta say I knew she had a motive..*winkwink* Oh, I can JUST imagine Angeline and Michelle whining like 'How about ME?!'. But hey, you know I love you girls too. And I know that you all DID try to spend time with me, but I owe my lesbo partner SO much.

All the daily calls to talk me through my emotional dramas, share my ups and downs AND put up with all my rants, all the way from December to February. That ain't an easy job! I don't know anyone else who would actually be willing to call someone on the mobile for over an hour and a half, nearly every nite, to hear them whine or vent. And of course, she will get screwed by her dad for all the sky-high phone bills. :S Sorry babe!

Of course, not all the calls are just about ME. It might start off with me complaining about my mum, or the boyfriend or something else. And then somehow we get distracted halfway, talking about some good Hainanese Chicken Rice stall near her house. Or how she wants to bring me to check out this famous Chilli Pan Mee place in town. Which I never had my chance to sink my teeth into :(

One thing for sure, I would miss how I need to only pick up her calls at the very last moment, just because I know she loves to sing along to my caller ringtone -_-". And how I need to persuade her to change her habit of showering really late, by threatening to put the ugliest pics of that vain rat on my Friendster.

Oh, I wanna put a great photo of you here. Which I shall, once I find a fantastic photo of you. Which are mostly on YOUR camera.

Anyway, it's been hell of a roller-coaster since I got back in Melbourne. So many things in my mind, and yet I do not know how to deal with them. Maybe I'm just in denial and do not want to face them. All I've been doing is spending my time out with my friends. I feel best when I have company as I forget about the issues. Being at home, makes me think and gives myself the chance to fall into the state of near depression.

Not gonna share much, but all I can say is I know that I have made my share of mistakes. And I'm most probably not handling it the best way this time. But fuck that, I just wanna deal with it my own way. I'm so sick and tired of doing the right thing, the mature way. What people expect me to do. Why must I worry about what everyone thinks and their feelings all the time. I've got my own to think of as well. It's time I started putting myself in front of everyone.

Alright, I know it's been quite a whiny post. Starting to sound like the blog of a lil' miss *censored* that I know of. Total drama queen. :/ If i keep going on like this in my future posts, the only colors that would match this blog would be black and grey.

But do excuse me, that as much as I promise that I'm back here for good, I'm in a self-discovery phase so I might be talking...weird. Cheers to you all :)