To My Leech.

Dear Leech,

How have you been? I miss you a lot. Over summer, you were my little diary. Listening to my whims and comforting me throughout the night while I was feeling sad. Accompanied me by sms-ing to keep me awake while I'm trying to revise. I really appreciated your company.

I told you, I had a feeling we would drift apart as good friends once I returned to Melbourne. 'I'll always be your leech. Stuck for life. Til your very last breath.'

And so, I believed you. That you shall always be here by my side when I need someone.

'I'm not selfish. I only choose to share your unhappy moments because I know you will want to share your happy moments with others.' Reading this put a smile on my face. I knew I found a sincere friend.

But where have you been lately? Have you erased me from your life for good?

What did you expect me to do in this kind of situation? I'm your friend but I'm hers as well. I've never told her all the things that you've shared with me, so how can I
tell you the things that she's confided in me? I tried to hint to you some signs, but you took what I said for granted. You didn't take me seriously.

So is it my fault that YOU have neglected your responsibilities and my advice? Is it my fault that your night life and dota games seem to be more important than the other things in your life? It doesn't matter if it's the truth or not. It's the fact that you let people perceive you this way. That you do not care enough.

Did you know it was your smses that caused the strings of unhappy things that occured to me in this semester? Honey, it caused me a lot of things that I wasn't prepared for. I'm not blaming you. After all it was still my fault. But I'm right here in this black spot, and it started from your sms. And to know that I've lost everything else, and YOU. It surely saddens me.

How long is this gonna last? Is this the end for good?

I was looking forward to returning to KL to visit you as well before you head overseas.

One more thing. I know she is partly at fault. But then, don't you think you contributed to this mess as well? If you had put more effort and time, do you think this would have happened? I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have. You told me yourself that men are like this. They don't appreciate things until they are gone. And you've just became one of those men.

Yes, they always say that it's never too late to change, as long as you are sincere and has the heart to do so. But, remember that you can't just care at this point of time and expect immediate returns. It might already have been too late to return back to how things were before.

Anyway, that's not the point. You're not even trying to care. You're just trying to prevent things by controlling. I understand why you would feel like this, but do you think it's the best thing to do? She will be unhappy and it will just be time before she finally decides that she can no longer take this and leave for good. Is this what you actually want? If so, you might as well cut her loose now! And save each other from some long-term pain.

Isn't it better to give her the chance to earn your trust again? If you can't even TRY to trust her from now, how is it ever gonna work? Why bother staying together? You would think she is lying to you even when she's speaking the truth.

You of all people, should know my thoughts about these - the issue of control, trust and privacy. You should roughly know how it feels. You agreed with me back then. So why are you doing this now?

And, it's ironic that you are reacting this way. This is karma, boy. It might hurt, but we all make mistakes. Just reflect on your past to make sure you've done absolutely nothing that could have hurt or upset her. I'm not talking about cheating. You know well enough that there were no cheating involved in here. But ask yourself, have you ever hidden things from her just so that she doesn't think too much or get upset? If yes, then why is it a big deal when she does it?

Anyway, hope that you take good care of yourself, without me guarding over you now. You know I'll always be here for you if you ever need me. And make sure that gambling habit of yours doesn't get out of hand.


XOXO,
Penguin.