A Trail Of Discoveries.

For the past few weeks, nothing great had happened. A few happy moments, but that's about it. Everyone has been busy with their own things.

Never mind that.

Right this second, I just feel BLAH. So many thoughts in mind, but no one to share it with. No, it's not because I do not have friends. But I don't like talking to people when I know that they are busy. Plus, I have my own things to do as well.

Right now, I can't share these thoughts here. Lack of privacy? Maybe. No time? Most definitely. Since I have a paper tomorrow afternoon.

But all that I want to say right now is that for the past week or so, I've slowly found out things, one after the other. UNINTENTIONALLY, mind you. And discovering such things, bothers me. So much questions in my mind, but no answers. I shall not ask, because I feel that I am not in the position to. Also, I know I wouldn't be able to get it from you.

Why would you do such a thing? It doesn't quite make any sense. Are you still the same person I know? It just feels like you are a totally different person right now. Why are you hiding things from me? WHAT is it that is worth hiding? Do you know it hurts me when I come across all these and need to keep them to myself? Sometimes, I'd rather choose to be ignorant. After all, ignorance is bliss.

Being in such an unhappy place like this, I can't focus or do what I should be doing. I'm just distracted all the time, and I hate this new side of me. I feel lost and I feel weak. I KNOW I've definitely failed a paper, so please don't let me fail the rest.

What's worse, I lost a good friend. No, he did not die. He's just pissed at me, and seems like he shall never forgive me. I'd wish he understood the position I was in. It's never easy to be in the middle. At times like this, I wish I could share my thoughts and be comforted by a good friend like him.

Sometimes, I really wonder. God, am I in your list? Have I been forgotten? How much more of these tests do you want to put me through? If these tests were supposed to teach me lessons of life, and make me stronger, how come I feel like I'm just getting so tired and weak?

'What doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger'. I'll say just kill me fast, and be done with it. Preferably before tomorrow's big paper, thank you.

If you were to give me something good in my life, can it be something that actually last for once? Not something with an expiry date of a month or so? Wait, before all that, the most important question of all: Do you exist?

Okay, too much of a whiny post. And honestly, I can just warn you now. I am pretty sure this won't be the last one. Because, happy moments are easy to share among friends. But there's only so much you can share with them when you feel down like this.

Oh, get a grip, Elaine! Enough for today.

And I know you guys won't be reading this, but I would like to take this opportunity to thank the few friends who's been around for me lately - June, Edmund & Maggie, and Yishyene. You have no idea how much I appreciate your company. Without you guys, I would be worse than I already am. And yes, my best friend Mei Kee. Though you may not here physically for me. But I know you try your best to be here to listen to my grandma stories. Love you <3.

PS: I know people who don't know what is going on in my life, would find this post odd. I guess I've spoken a little more than what I intended to for today. If I feel like it, I shall explain a little more in the future. Oh, and I've realised that I've had a few posts that I've wrote, saved on draft mode because they were imcomplete! Shall fix them up later when I'm done uploading photos.