Total Failure - That's What I Am.

As I was looking at my new ring with delight like a kid who just found a new toy, my dad decided it was time to have a kind talk with me since no one else was around. To motivate me to get back on track, and set my priorities right. Of course, it isn't shopping and socializing. A 45 mins heart-to-heart talk with him made me felt like I've been an undeserving daughter.

Despite how conservative and overprotective they are, all they wanted was for me to be happy, have a secured future and not regret my doings later on in life.

I feel like a failure at times like these. Spending away money that I've not earned on my own on materials that I do not really need. Not handing them the best grades that I could potentially achieve. Not spending as much time with them as I could be, even though I believe I do more than others.

I already feel that maybe I've been a failure as a girlfriend in the past. Not being able to hold on to a 3 year relationship, over and over again speaks for itself. The more I tried to hold on, the faster I lost grip of it. What more disappointing is the fact that whatever I hoped for in these years has easily been given to another girl without much effort needed. Maybe I really just wasn't the one.

I'm pretty much a failure as a student. Still studying at the age of 25, regardless of whether it's a postgraduate course or not, is no longer fun. Yes, I have all the time in the world for other stuff that I could do that working people can't. Yes, I can still have a 3 months break over summer to fly home and spend time with family and friends, which working people can't afford to do. Yes, I do not need to pay my own bills and rent, out of my own money. But that only labels me as one thing - a spoilt brat. Working life may not exactly what I'm looking forward to, but it's way overdue.

I'm aware that life is full of failures. But do *i* have to be a failure in overall? Whether I put much effort into it or not, it somehow turns out to have the same outcome. Then why bother trying?

Today is just one of those days. Where an event leads to another which gets me thinking unhappy thoughts. Must be my PMS mode. Damn those things! Why must I be born a female??